If your phone gets wet, try putting it in a bag of dry rice. At night, the rice will attract Asians who will fix your electronics for you.
fuck
Matilda was left alone. That was how she liked it.
#forever pissed off that a five year old can make better pancakes than me
She could move things with her mind and was a god damn genius and you’re jealous of her pancake making.
Damn right I’m jealous of her pancake making. Pancakes are fucking tasty.
(Source: thelostie)
dear fucking tumblr
this is a fucking bumblebee
this is a fucking bee
this is a fucking hornet
this is a fucking wasp
as you can fucking see the longer their legs are and the less fuzzy they are is equivalent to how fucking evil they fucking are
If I ever see any of you in public, the code is “I like your shoelaces”that way we know we’re from tumblr without revealing anything
I’m just going to say this to strangers until i find a tumblr person
must keep reblogering!! Im going to be so suspicious if any one tells me this now!
Remember the answer is: I stole them from the president.
(Source: aru)
